Look now, I'm assuming here if you do drive in the CBD a lot you probably know these things, so this is one for the new people (but also not-new people who clearly haven't worked it all out).
1. Unless you have bred a sevens team and remain solely in the southern suburbs, do not buy a huge car. Huge cars are for lugging around said offspring, not for maneuvring around tiny one-way streets in-between taxis and buses and people who are trying very hard to get run over, nor for squeezing into minute parking spaces.
2. You need to know how to parallel park. Period. In Bold. Do not pass Go! if you can't. And do not even for a second complain that your vagina renders you incapable of such tasks, it.does.not. I'm a cheerleader and a model and I'm blonde, and I parallel park like I have my doctorate in it. So stop spewing your inherent sexism and be bold. Also, be nicer to your vajayjay.
3. If you're driving up Strand Street, always drive in the middle lane. Every time; it doesnt matter which way you're going to turn. The right lane will get backed up with people turning right before you want to and you will get sad. The left lane is really just a taxi lane; you can tell me it's legally not and that's fine, I will wave to you when you're stationary behind the taxi that just suddenly stopped for the fifth time in 100m.
4. If you're driving down Strand Str in the little bit between Adderely and Buitenkant, you're going to have to grow some balls. Be brazen people. (But again in the middle lane). Those taxi's will try push in, don't be a little daisy (they hardly ever shoot at people...).
5. Parking is R11/hr (but really R5.50/ 30min). Don't be mean to the parking attendant, (s)he is just doing a job. Have R5.50 in your wallet at all times. Tell them you're going to be half an hour. No one gets upset. If you're longer they'll inform you when you return. R5.50 is the minimum charge, you can't pay anything less so you have lost nothing. (But if you are going to be a lot longer than anticipated, try get back to your car after 5pm. The parking attendants leave at 5pm *wink*).
6. Do not be the asshole on hospital bend that stuck to the M3 side until the last moment before trying to get into the backed-up N2 lane. No one likes you. You render an entire lane of freeway useless. Douche.
7. My only gripe about Cape Town drivers, is that an awful lot of you never got shown where your indicator was when you learnt to drive. Or maybe it's because you got a new car and the windscreen wipers kept screeching up accidentally and you got over trying. Anyhoo, please let me know what you're doing using that funky little light of yours. Awesome.
In closing, a quick Bravo! to Cape Town drivers: because you let people in. How glad are we that those GPs have gone back up to the land of Road Rage and meanness? So glad. Love you Cape Town.
1. Unless you have bred a sevens team and remain solely in the southern suburbs, do not buy a huge car. Huge cars are for lugging around said offspring, not for maneuvring around tiny one-way streets in-between taxis and buses and people who are trying very hard to get run over, nor for squeezing into minute parking spaces.
2. You need to know how to parallel park. Period. In Bold. Do not pass Go! if you can't. And do not even for a second complain that your vagina renders you incapable of such tasks, it.does.not. I'm a cheerleader and a model and I'm blonde, and I parallel park like I have my doctorate in it. So stop spewing your inherent sexism and be bold. Also, be nicer to your vajayjay.
3. If you're driving up Strand Street, always drive in the middle lane. Every time; it doesnt matter which way you're going to turn. The right lane will get backed up with people turning right before you want to and you will get sad. The left lane is really just a taxi lane; you can tell me it's legally not and that's fine, I will wave to you when you're stationary behind the taxi that just suddenly stopped for the fifth time in 100m.
4. If you're driving down Strand Str in the little bit between Adderely and Buitenkant, you're going to have to grow some balls. Be brazen people. (But again in the middle lane). Those taxi's will try push in, don't be a little daisy (they hardly ever shoot at people...).
5. Parking is R11/hr (but really R5.50/ 30min). Don't be mean to the parking attendant, (s)he is just doing a job. Have R5.50 in your wallet at all times. Tell them you're going to be half an hour. No one gets upset. If you're longer they'll inform you when you return. R5.50 is the minimum charge, you can't pay anything less so you have lost nothing. (But if you are going to be a lot longer than anticipated, try get back to your car after 5pm. The parking attendants leave at 5pm *wink*).
6. Do not be the asshole on hospital bend that stuck to the M3 side until the last moment before trying to get into the backed-up N2 lane. No one likes you. You render an entire lane of freeway useless. Douche.
7. My only gripe about Cape Town drivers, is that an awful lot of you never got shown where your indicator was when you learnt to drive. Or maybe it's because you got a new car and the windscreen wipers kept screeching up accidentally and you got over trying. Anyhoo, please let me know what you're doing using that funky little light of yours. Awesome.
In closing, a quick Bravo! to Cape Town drivers: because you let people in. How glad are we that those GPs have gone back up to the land of Road Rage and meanness? So glad. Love you Cape Town.
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