Speak Up Lesson 2 - German

Today is the 3rd/4th playoff between Germany and Uruguay... here are some cool German phrases to throw around!

Hello = Hallo

I want beer! = Ich will Bier!

Do you want to taste my knödle? = Wollen Sie meine knödle Geschmack?

Schweinsteiger, have my babies! = Schweinsteiger, habe meine Babys!

The German team is young but very talented. I can't wait to watch them in 2014. = Die deutsche Mannschaft ist jung, aber sehr talentiert. Ich kann nicht warten, bis sie im Jahr 2014 zu sehen.

Germany is the best :) = Deutschland ist der beste:)

Ben Trovato's 2010 Quiz

What is your reaction when you hear the word Fifa?

a) No thanks, I've just eaten.

b) Governing body.

c) Dirty, rotten, thieving sons of bitches.

What do you think of when you hear the phrase "2010 Soccer World Cup"?

a) Cancer.

b) Football.

c) Lawyers.

What is the offside rule?

a) No passing in the breakdown lane.

b) Something that prevents Brazil from scoring 20 goals in each game.

c) I don't have time for stupid questions. Next.

What do you think should happen to the ref who disallowed Frank Lampard's goal against Germany?

a) Frank who?

b) He should have his eyes tested.

c) He should have his eyes gorged out.

What is the Round of 16?

a) The number of beers you order when you're out with 15 of your mates.

b) The second stage of the World Cup.

c) A bit of messing about before the real soccer begins.

Sepp Blatter is:

a) An intestinal infection.

b) The bloke in charge of Fifa.

c) The President of South Africa.

The 4th of July was the first soccer-free Sunday since June 11. How did you spend the day?

a) Visiting my mother.

b) Not drinking.

c) Woke up thinking, "Holy mother of God! No soccer? Where's my gun?".

What do you think of Jabulani?

a) It could do with extra salt.

b) It's a ball - what am I meant to think of it?

c) It's a girl's ball. Bring back the old leather ball that Bobby Charlton played with.

Dunga is:

a) A type of dolphin.

b) Brazil's coach.

c) Better than Carlos Alberta Parreira.

How best can our new stadiums be used after the World Cup?

a) Weekly craft markets.

b) Fill them with lions. And maybe some Christians.

c) Ask Sepp Blatter. He made us build the damn things.

Give your self one point for every (a) answer, two points for every (b) answer and three point for every (c) answer.

0-10. You have either been in a coma for the past month or are hopelessly gay.

11-20. You are a true-blue South African with a firm grip on reality, your wife and a beer.

12-30. You are a borderline sociopath and a good drinking partner. Keep taking your medication.

*Ben Travato is a columnist for The Sunday Times. This was published in his column, 'The Whipping Boy', on 4 July 2010.

Paul the Octopus

What kind of soccer blog would this be if we didn't mention Paul the Octopus. For those of you living in oblivion...Paul is a PSYCHIC octopus who resides at the Aquarium Sea Life Centre in Oberhausen, Germany. He has a faultless record of predicting the winners of the Germany games at the World Cup, even predicting a Serbian success over the Germans in the group stages - he’s quite the clairbuoyant :P

During a dramatic broadcast live on national news channel NTV on Tuesday, he plumped for Spain to win the semi-final showdown - much to the distress of the millions watching.

Rumour has it Paul will be making a prediction for the Netherlands - Spain WC Final as well as Germany's 3/4th playoff against Uruguay on Saturday. As soon as we hear Paul's predictions, it'll be up on the blog - and you can start betting!

Lukas Podolski

Super bleak days, Germany are out...."clap clap clap DEUTSCHLAND!" no longer :(

So in a bid farewell, our current hottie soccer jock is Germany striker Lukas Podolski.

Kalk Bay, or "That man at your table just ate a lemon... :/"

So we did the tourist thing by ourself....took the train on a sunny Sunday for a day in Kalk Bay.

And it was pretty

darn awesome.

Kalkies had a hectic queue for lunch, so we got our fish, calamari and chips from Lucky Fish and Chips. Dr Lem and Mizz Honey stood in the line, I kept the table - which really means I got to relax in the sun whilst my food was fetched for me :P

Dr Lem and Mizz Honey are rather avid tennis fans, so we caught the Wimbledon final from Cape to Cuba. They have great cocktails, and happy hour is from 5-7pm which means 2-for-1 mojitos!!!

Sat 3 July Argentina vs Germany

Princess Kiki started the day off catching her friend Dancer, wait for it, dancing at Cavendish Square. It's all Mzansi gees, so catch them Sat 10 July at 1pm, it's pretty sweet :)

Other than that, it was Deutschland all the way!!! Well, just for me since Dr Lem, the CEO and Mizz Honey all decided to go the Argentine route - much to their dismay. We've actually started worrying that our facepaints are cursed; or maybe it's just Mizz Honey's face :P

Hit the MTN Fan Tent at the V&A again, always such a jol! And caught both Germany's 4-0 slaughtering of the Argentines, as well as Spain's victory.

Hit Long St after (of course) although was super packed! Ended up at a backpackers between The Dubliner and Long Street Cafe called Carnival Court where my face got attacked by face-paint wielding Germans!

Oh, and I bought a German flag for my car....

Not so hottie...

Actually, read down right douchebag!

I'm not a super hater by nature really, but the whole let's just foul and get away with it thing really doesn't make me smile...and trust me, you want this princess smiling! Ghana played outstanding soccer (you know that game where you can't use your hands), and should be playing Netherlands in the semi-final, but alas!

So Uruguay are back in the Cape instead (staying at the Vineyard Hotel, pls feel free to go blow your vuvuzelas all Mon night!)

If you see this man, employ the "What Happens in Vegas" technique: punch him right up in his man business, and when he asks why, be like.."You know why.."

German Knödle :P

So I got invited to sundowners on Signal Hill with a German... but it turned out to be a bit on the misty side, so I convinced him to let me drive (app in Germany it's really weird for a girl to be driving a guy, hello, welcome to the 21st century!) and we ended up on Llandudno beach with some great wine.

It was also another German's birthday that night though, so I finished the night off at a house with German, Dutch and French people eating knödle and drinking wheat beer! Good times :)

From Red to Blue

Walking around the V&A in English attire was proving not too fun... but thankfully Argentina vs Mexico happened and we picked the winning team!!!

Doc Lem and her face paints gave us a chance to redeem ourselves, although the frozen yoghurt from Marcel's did make me feel a lot better!

We also met some yummy Germans.... (cue picture)

Ze Germans are too much for England

Sun 27 June, so The Blondes are hanging quite a bit since the night before was a big bash for Mizz Honey's coming of age. We crawl out into the sun at the waterfront, dressed in Red and White - Go England! Bad Plan.

We caught the game at the Hyundai Park, good vibe... especially if you're German :P England could not hold out against the Deutsch, with the game ending 4-1. Although, almost everyone concedes that the English scored that disallowed goal!

Bye Italy!

Bleak days, we hadn't even found any Italian stallions yet! But I did find this pic of Luca Toni... he wasn't actually in the Italian World Cup squad, I think that was their problem, but I'm totally making him our Hottie Soccer Jock anyway! :P

Speak Up Lesson 1 - Portuguese

Today is June 25, and there's a whoppa of a game on at 4pm: Brazil vs Portugal! Since both countries speak Portuguese, here are a few lines you can try mumbling....

Hello = Olá!

Congratulations! = Parabéns!

Let's get a drink! = Vamos pegar uma bebida!

I want to party = Eu quero festa

Do you want to blow my vuvuzela? = Você quer estragar o meu vuvuzela?

That's what she said = Isso é o que ela disse.

So we took the Poms to Mzoli's...

What's better than taking some Brits to the township for lunch right? 4 Poms and 4 Blondes invaded Mzoli's in Gugulethu... it's a butchery right, so you pick your meat and it gets braaied for you - they have the most incredible 'secret recipe' marinade (Jamie Oliver agrees with me on that). We also got pap and chakalaka, and it all came to bout R25pp! We brought are own drinks, as there usually isn't a bar, but since it's World Cup Fevah and all, the place has been kitted out with a tent, flatscreens and a big bar.

We watched the Portugal vs Ivory Coast game, great vibe. The Brits said they felt very primal eating meat out of a big metal bowl with their hands :) If you want a real African World Cup experience, you gotta make an appearance here.

Fri 18 June Fat Boy Slim post Eng vs Algeria

Yeah, so mildly disappointed that I'd gone to the trouble of buying red paint and an awesome England top, to see those darn Pommies draw again!!! Mizz Honey and the CEO saw the action live at Cape Town Stadium and still had a marvelous time - thankfully for Dr Lem and myself, partying the morning in to Fat Boy Slim at the Cool Britannia Party at the CTICC meant the night was still a brilliant success. News on the grapevine was that town was dead since everyone who's anyone / English was jamming with us :P

Royalty in the Cape

It's official, the two English Princes will be in the Mother City tonight! William, 27, and Harry, 25, will take to the stands at Cape Town's impressive stadium to watch England play Algeria in their second World Cup group stage match.

The national team had a disappointing opening game on Saturday, drawing 1-1 with the USA, but the royals will be hoping, along with the rest of the country, that Fabio Capello's team can earn their first win of the tournament.

William, president of the FA, has already held a video-link chat with the England manager and his senior players and it is hoped he and brother Harry can meet the soccer stars in person during their visit.

The second in line to the throne is strongly behind England's bid to host the World Cup in eight years time and will have his younger sibling by his side to help boost the efforts of England's soccer chiefs during a reception with Fifa executives at the end of the week.

The visit to Cape Town comes towards the end of a six-day tour of southern Africa that will first take the royals to Botswana, then on to the land-locked country of Lesotho - two nations where they have charity interests.

Hey, I could be Princess Kiki for real........

Celebrating Ivory Coast vs. Portugal

I had high hopes that there may have been another African win from this game, but alas I can deal with a draw. However, I think Vanity Fair magazine got it right by putting the stars of these two teams on their cover...in minimal clothing :P These two are our hot jocks of the mo, enjoy.

The Ayoba Guide to the Vuvu

Contrary to Christiano Ronaldo's whining, the vuvuzela can be an essential contributor to the African spirit of the beautiful game - IF done politely!
Hence, I give you.. The Ayoba Guide to the Vuvu

Ayoba: Blowing your vuvuzela into the air
Not Ayoba: Blowing your vuvuzela into the ear of the person in front of you.

Ayoba: Blowing your vuvuzela occasionally when you feel the 'ke nako' spirit
Not Ayoba: Blowing your vuvuzela constantly for 45 minutes, plus 15 minutes half time, plus another 45 minutes, plus extra time.

Ayoba: Kuduzelas
Not Ayoba: Mini vuvuzelas that sound like dying babies

Ayoba: Vuvuzelas with rounded edges
Not Ayoba: Chafed lips!

The CEO xoxo

Sun 13 June - Let's be German!

Germany vs Australia, and well as much as my mate The Advocate tried to convince me that when it comes to Colonialists vs Colonies, one must always support the Colony... true South Africans always pick the team playing against the Aussies :P The fact they call themselves the Socceroos wasn't really working in their favour...

So off The Blondes went to Paulaner Brauhaus, a German restaurant at the V&A Waterfront. Unfortunately, even though we were there two and a half hours before kick-off, the place was full with a queue. Plan B was to hit the MTN Fan Tent right next door... Run by The Dubliner at the V&A, it cost R20 to get in. There were benches, food/drinks, and pumping music, as well as a big screen. SUCH A GOOD MOVE. Tons of German fans, you'd be silly to be anywhere else come the next Deutschland game!

Quote of the Night:

clap clap clap clap DEUTSCHLAND!

Highlights of the Night:

Having people think you were German, priceless...

Mizz Honey lip service.

The free yellow hats

Learning the Diski Dance

Sat 12 June - England vs USA

Princess Kiki and Dr Lem hit some sushi at Hongs in Claremont. Great priced sushi, and the pieces are really big. My jokes about being a WAG got us free Salmon Roses from the chef :P They have a TV up for the games... but at half time we decided to go get a drink at Cubana Claremont. The Latin Lounge was packed with soccer fans, and has awesome cocktails :D

Fri 11 June - Opening Match!

The Blondes were all split up for the first game of this sacred tournament... but that just means we are quite informed on where to watch in Cape Town :)

Princess Kiki - at the Cool Britannia Party at the CTICC. Awesome vibe during the Bafana Game, everyone was full of gees and dressed to the max...although no Mexican supporters :P Got a bit empty between the games, it's quite a big venue so there needs to be quite a crowd. There was a fashion show, and DJ Dino Moran hit the decks. The vibe picked up for the France - Uruguay match, and Estelle (yes, she of American Boy fame) performed after. Check out their website http://coolbritanniasa.com/

The CEO - and her man hit the Fan Park on Grand Parade. Key - go early! The sun was out so it was an awesome party... big screens were up, and the vibe was Mzansi's best. Def thinking about returning on Wed 16 for the Bafana - Uruguay game! Can take the train through if you want the full experience...all just be CEO-like and park at the Waterfront and stroll through

Doc Lem - was a bit delayed on the Fan Park idea, so hit Long Street. Watched the game in the Dubliner... if you ever want a cool party, hit this Irish pub!

Thurs 10 June Opening Concert

Princess Kiki and Mizz Honey hit Long Street after the show... crazy times to say the least! The whole street gets closed off on busy busy nights, so we parked at the bottom by Strand and walked up. Possibly every soccer fan in Cape Town was there, everyone kitted out. We partied it up at Fiction, which having a 1st floor balcony was probably the coolest idea :)

We met some boys from London, and introduced them to Brutal Fruits :P

Quote of the night:

(EF = English Fan; PK = Princess Kiki)

EF: What does Bafana mean?

PK: Boys

EF: Oh I thought so, but that's rather weird that your soccer team is called 'little boys'

PK: No, it's just 'boys boys' - better than a rugby team being named after a flower!

EF: A rose isn't a flower

EF2: As oppose to a rugby team named after a pansy leaping antelope?!

Ayoba!

So 2010 is here, and the Mother City has been invaded by foreign soccer fans - not that The Blondes are complaining, trust us! For the next month, we get to showcase the awesome Cape of Storms, and have a darn good time whilst doing it!

This blog is a chronicle of our adventures:

Where we watched the games

Who we watched them with

Where we partied afterwards

Look out for our Hottie Soccer Jock of the Moment; check who we've been paying Lip Service to on the Mother Pucker List, and just enjoy the soccer gees of 4 Mother City Blondes.

xoxo